Little Miss Bookmark

First ... this will probably contain spoilers. You've been warned. Second ... the fact that I gave this book 3 stars is based solely on the fact that the meat (no pun intended) of the story was good - the mystery part. ONLY.

Okay. I'm not going to hold anything back, so brace yourselves. As I said with the second book in this series, I absolutely adored the first one. A lot. I would read it again this week if I weren't so damn mad at E.L. James for ending the series like this and essentially crapping all over everything that she had done with the first book.

My worst fears were realized when I was about 4.3278 pages into the book. I was really hoping that this third one would redeem the series for me because the second one pissed me off. This book was pretty bad also though. Maybe even worse than the second book. James did an amazing job with that first book - even though I don't read erotica, it was a really good book. I went out and told people to read it. Now, I have to go back to those same people and tell them not to. I don't want others to get invested in the story line and then be just as disappointed in this series like I am.

OMG. The sex!! I really hope that this book isn't modeled after two actual people. Because I feel that I have a civic duty to find out who they are and follow behind them with some Lysol and spray down everything that they touch. Nasty. Just plain nasty. That aside, I got so tired of the sex crap that I started just skipping pages. I'd read a line ... oh, still sex ... skip a couple more pages. The thing that is SO frustrating is that James is a great writer. The mystery stuff in this book was awesome! Her story line was great but the way she wrote her characters made me want to go karate chop someone's adam's apple.

I'm going to number these other issues I had with the book because if I don't, I'm going to go off on some tangent and then forget where I was going with this. UGH. So frustrated with this book. And this is where the spoilers are going to kick in. I hate doing that, but I can't help it this time. I can't NOT say these things.

1. Hmmm ... Leila tried to kill me. Sure!! I'll meet with her. Alone. And not tell anyone. Come on!! First, we learn that Ray taught Ana to fight. Then she's terrified of Christian. Then she's not terrified of Christian. Then Leila wants to kill her. Then she's scared of Leila. Then it's okay if she meets with her?!? The characters just don't seem consistent. I understand that a person grows and changes. But not that much in like 3 months. And you don't grow as a person and then go back to where you were 2 weeks ago. It was silly.

2. This is a direct quote from Ana in the book, "I know the power he wields over me and over my traitorous body." Uh ... aren't you and your body the same person? Or are we talking about the person in your head that I thought was kinda cute in the first book and by the third book I really wanted to jump out of a window if Ana talked to her conscience again. Or if her conscience arched her "overly plucked" eyebrow again.

3. Calling your unborn child 'Blip'. Annoying. Again, it was a little cute when it first started ... I'm a mom, I know what it's like being pregnant. You feel the need to talk to your baby. But having full blown conversations with Blip?!? Come on. You know you're crazy.

4. This book is 466 pages. It finally got exciting around page 400. I lost hours of my life that I won't get back on those first 399 pages. Enough said. Till the next thing on my list.

5. And towards the end of the book ... Ana gets "frightened" again with Christian. Let me get this straight. You let a man bruise you. Cuff you. Hurt you - ON PURPOSE. You come face to face with a man that wants to kill you (and a woman, for that matter). And Ana gets "FRIGHTENED" when Christian destroys someone financially?!?


Let me save you the trouble of reading this book. This is what it's like:
Oh, Christian, (sex) I love you. Chris(sexsexsexsex)tian, why don't you love (sexsex) me? You don't think I love (sex) you, Christian? Blip, let's talk about why Christian doesn't think I love him (pregnant sex). GOOD PART OF THE BOOK. Christian, you're (sexsex) scaring me. Let's have enough kids to fill a football team even though two pages ago, you yelled at me, left me (the pregnant lady) and got drunk with your child molester. THE END.

You're welcome. My work here is done.